ODAM Law

Learning, laughs and the law

2nd May 2007

Learning, laughs and the law

Date: 5/02/2007

by CHRIS BARNCARD

KENOSHA NEWS

Law school is three years long for a reason.

At least, it seemed that way Tuesday while newly appointed judge John Michael McTernan pulled on his white wig and got his instructions from his lawyer father, Mike McTernan.

“Make sure everybody talks into the microphone. Don’t let everybody talk over each other,” the elder McTernan said before presenting Judge John Michael to his classmates for a lesson during the American Bar Association’s annual Law Day. “You’re the judge. You have to be in charge.”

“I cannot remember all of that,” John Michael said.

It was helpful then the students in kindergarten through third grade were so respectfully quiet in “Judge” McTernan’s presence. After all, he had a contract issue to resolve.

Mike McTernan set up two legal situations Tuesday to help St. Mark’s students get a feel for how the legal system affects their lives. The older students actually tried a civil case — complete with judge, bailiff, clerk, jury and witnesses — in which Rumpelstiltskin demanded $50,000 for helping a woman marry the king by spinning straw into gold.

The case came down to whether the new queen had agreed to pay Rumpelstiltskin for his help, writing up a contract that was never paid.

“I tried sending it in the mail, and it came back ‘ Claim disallowed’ — whatever that means,” Rumpelstiltskin, played by sixth-grader Nate McKeon, said from the witness stand.

The queen denied ever intending to pay Rumpelstiltskin, saying she only wanted to learn his name so she could report him to the authorities for his behavior.

“This case is about money, yes,” said the queen’s attorney, fifth-grader Pete McKeon, in his opening statement. “But it is also about lies, deception and threats of violence.”

In the end, only 10 of the 12 jury members believed Rumpelstiltskin’s story, and the queen kept her money.

Judge John Michael found himself in the middle of a contract dispute between secondgrader Jillian Aschenbrener and third-grader Alex Ambro. The judge thought he had it easy when Jillian found herself sitting in front of a Hershey’s bar, but coveting Alex’s Kit Kat bar (and vice versa.)

“Switch ’em!” John Michael declared, and the two parties agreed to the seemingly simple contract, swapping candy.

The law got involved shortly after Alex pulled apart the Hershey’s wrapper to find nothing but air.

“Now Alex would come to me and say, ‘ I got ripped off! ’” Mike McTernan told the kids. And the two would land in front of a judge to help settle the situation in a fair way.

“I tell the kids, ‘ That’s why we have laws, ’” the elder Mc-Ternan said. “When you exchange candy bars and the outcome isn’t right, or when you do work and you don’t get paid, there are ways to make sure people are treated fairly.”

The kids suggested John Michael enact the long-standing child legal practice of the takeback, along with suggesting that Jillian and Alex split the Kit Kat or that Jillian buy Alex a candy bar.

“They could figure out what happened to it,” third-grader Stefani Fallabeck said.

“That’s what they might do if they were actually going to court,” McTernan said, explaining how each side would prepare to argue their cases by collecting all the facts that may support it.

Eventually, Judge John Michael ended the discussion with his proclamation: Jillian must pay Alex enough to buy him a new candy bar.

“Wow,” Mike McTernan said. “That’s a harsh judgment.”

But the judge runs a tight ship. He is in charge and — in the end — not so tough.

“Case is dismissed,” John Michael said, opening his arms over a pile of candy bars. “Come and eat!”